And it all comes crumbling down

Who knew what a tiny little pill could do?


Who knew how hard a lie could hit?


Who knew how quick a heart can shatter?


Who knew what you could do?






The tower came crumbling down


Brick by brick and stone by stone


When the walls are down


You have no guard, you're all alone






Who knew how long 48 hours can last?


Who knew how quick emotions can shift?


Who knew what a few pills could do?


Who knew how quickly the water fades to red?




My world came crumbling down


Piece by piece, memory by memory


Turn from bright colors to cloudy skies


Unable to tell what is reality.

I know you're reading my posts.

I know I shouldn't dwell on the past, but when you've had someone in your life for so many years its hard to imagine not having them there anymore.


Why? Because your distant. Because your trying new things. Because your mentally unstable and sometimes things just don't seem to go right. Because you don't ask the right questions. Because you don't show you care in the right ways. Because no one knows how you feel unless you tell them.


I guess that can sum it all up.


Don't worry, I've read yours as well and I hope you're doing alright. I hope you're safe. I hope your relationship is going well. I hope your work is going well. I hope that your somewhat happy with how things are going for you. I know the death of your furry family broke your heart a bit, and I'm sorry for your loss. I still hope you're doing well..


I hope you know I will always care.
It sucks losing someone you called your best-friend.
It sucks throwing away..what? 6,7,8 years of friendship.
It sucks that I care still.


I know you blocked me on Facebook because I searched for you.
I know you unblocked me on Facebook not too long after I searched for your name.
I don't know if you knew somehow I was reaching out, or if it was just a coincidence.


I hope someday we can speak again. I know its a long shot.


I hope you're doing well.

I feel like the luckiest person

April has been a hell of a month. My boyfriend got a new job yesterday, but doesn't start until the second week of May. I've been super behind because I've had a lack of funds and I'm bad at budgeting. Unfortunately, I've had to get a pay-day loan in order to keep from going negative in my bank account. On the plus side though, yesterday my work gave me a check for 956.00 due to unpaid overtime for the last two years!! I almost cried when the woman handed it to me.


I'm going to get caught up on my utilities and put money back just as a precaution. Things are starting to look up. My boyfriend is going up to the temp agency here in town Monday to get something to bring in some sort of income for the month of April. We're both super excited to get things on the right track again!!


Once he starts working, I'm hoping he can bring in enough to help out with more than just rent so I can focus on getting my bills paid off. I know some people don't like to admit their debt, but I don't see the issue. I'm in a lot of debt. I owe different credit card companies, I owe the hospital, I owe a loan place, and I owe my previous apartment. Its a lot of different expenses that can basically amount to about 5000.00. Its not a large amount of debt to some people, but to me its a large amount that I can't dig out of just yet. So far, we've been playing the avoidance game until I can pay something.


The reason I'm so much in debt isn't because my 21 year old brain got the best of me. Its very simple. Never give an 18 year old a credit card. Ever. You don't understand how much money you can rack up in a short amount of time. You forget that monthly payments go up the more you owe, and the more you owe the harder it is to pay back. One credit card was used to spoil my nieces, and one was used as survival because I decided I wanted to try to switch to a completely new job. This was an absolutely horrible idea. I don't think I'll leave the Call Center life until I can start on my career.


I feel like this is a second chance though. This money isn't used for pleasure. Now I'll be honest, I have used some of it already to treat myself. Why not? I deserve some nice things too. However the majority is going to bills and savings until my boyfriend can bring in some money.


I'm blessed to be given this chance. I won't blow it.