I miss you

I miss you

I know that wont get me far

But I figured you should know

Everyday

I need to get this out somewhere. I hate holding in all my feelings like this..

Everyday is a fucking nightmare that you can't explain. I hate trying to explain my issues to others using the correct terms because it seems like I've researched it too much.

I've always been a believer in making constant progress. Im trying so hard to feel alive. I'm slowly talking to more people, getting out more, working out, therapy, reading, ect. I'm doing all the steps they tell you to do, but I still want to die on a daily basis.

Everyones argument about suicide is "its the easy way out." No shit. That's the whole point. I'm so tired of being tired. I'm tired of being paranoid and emotional. I'm tired of getting hurt by the people I love and care about most. I'm tired of having mental breakdowns and forgetting what happened during the break down. I'm tired of feeling so insenesly about everything. I'm tired of being tired.

You know what sucks? Losing people you care about because of stuff you're trying to control. I'm trying everything in my power to be good enough for everyone. It hurts my heart to see so many suicides in the media. It hurts to see how many people in the world are struggling. It also sucks to see everyone up in arms over how tragic suicide is but these are the same people that brush shit off.

You can't live for someone else. I've learned that over the years. If you're only alive to make another human happy, you won't be happy. I try everyday to find a new thing to live for. Somedays are harder than others.

Call it a mood swing but it is very frustrating that we care about these bit time celebs but we don't care about the people in our own town. We hear stories on the news even about those close to us and we may mourn their death, but what are we doing to prevent others from the same fate? I wish people actually cared enough to reach out to strangers or to do their own research.