The biggest thing I have come to the conclusion about is my lack of confidence mixed with a cocktail of different symptoms of my disorder that still need to be dealt with. The biggest eye-opener was the fact that I ended up calling the suicide hotline on Wednesday. This is the first time I have ever called the hotline because I felt I was in danger of my own self. The hotline called me back on Friday to check on me and is calling me back next week. It was this that made me realize that things are getting to a point that I'm not sure if I can handle them or not.
While depression is something I have always dealt with no matter what the issue is, if I can build my confidence back up a lot of my issues would be resolved. One big factor of it is with this lack of confidence it affects my job, my relationship building skills with the people around me, and overall ability to present myself in a good light.
Today I have been reminding myself to stay positive throughout the day. So far, it has made my day go by a little bit quicker than normal and has made me feel better. I'm also using this confidence and positivism to avoid over-eating.
I'm also looking into getting on medication for my anxiety, but not one hundred percent certain how I feel about an anti-anxiety prescription. Nether-the-less, my goal is to keep reminding myself that I am a fantastic human being and I have good qualities and I need to present those qualities in the best way possible.
