Let me ask you this;
do you tie yourself to a brick,
fall into the deep abyss
and feel like an endless void?
Or, do you let your insides
burst into flames feeling
your heart pounding away
as if about to implode?
Id rather let the air be ripped
from my lungs and my soul rest
Instead of being pillaged
by my own devotion
Everyone wonders how people can be so cruel, but doesn't think about what makes them that way.
I used to be so caring. I used to be so much nicer. I used to trust everyone and give people the benefit of doubt.
Every single person I've ever had close to me has hurt me. Every single one. Im at that point where I just don't care anymore.
Trust no one and assume everyone is going to disappoint you. It's for the best. This is why I've lost all respect for human life as a whole.
Why should I care anymore? I try so hard to be strong. I try so hard to keep the peace and stand up for myself. It gets me no where.
I want to cut again more than anything. I can't help but sit in the parking lot and all I can think about is that pain.
I'll never be able to fill this emptiness inside me. The money, the drugs, the alcohol, the success, none of it will ever make me feel whole. I've tried it all. I'm still stuck in this darkness, and all I can think of is how to prepare myself. For. The next time my heart gets fucking ripped out.
I don't know if I'll ever feel better. I dont know if I'm in a mood swing or not. I hate feeling this fucking pain all the time. My life is a giant whirlwind ready to destroy anything in its path. I wish I had someone close to me that understood. No one wants to read on it no one wants to study it. I love studying though, so I can't be mad I guess.
I don't know anymore. I'm just upset and want it to stop.
